be faithful, not fearful.

i've been debating and thinking about this post for about a week.

i've started and restarted it about five times, but each time i couldn't come up with the right words to say.

last weekend, we went on retreat with the rest of the NL students at tyndale.

and, as in previous years, it was a fantastic time meeting with God. but, in a magical turn of events, it was a great time with great people too!

on the first night the speaker focused on leadership, and how it entails pain. pain of criticism, creating something new, making hard decisions, and disappointments.

now, if that isn't a shock to the system after settling in for a relaxing, encouraging weekend, i don't know what it.

you see, back when i was in my first year i was terrified. it physically pained me to think about being in ministry. so much that whenever i would enter into the presence of God i cried uncontrollably. i didn't think i was good enough for this calling, i didn't think that i would be able to handle it. i was controlled by fear.

but during this weekend, i realized that this pain was inevitable. i have no control over how others perceive me, i can only be responsible for how i see myself. no one else's opinion about me matters other than God's, and he loves me beyond compare.

since arriving at tyndale, one constant theme has been following me: dream big. God has been challenging me to keep dreaming bigger dreams that i would have ever dared to dream before.

before this year, i was afraid of the plans that God had for my life. but i've heard him whisper to me: i'm with you, i go before you and i walk beside you wherever you may go. dream bigger than anyone thinks you can. be full of faith in the dreams you have. not full of fear.

Paul says in Ephesians: