Showing posts with label thoughts from my journal. Show all posts

Purpose.

{Hello Friends! It has been a while, so sorry about that! A series of unfortunate events (and a revelation of sorts) brought the creative out of me today! I missed writing a lot and am glad to be semi-back! Enjoy and make sure to comment below!}


"I was made for this,


I live for this,


God has a reason for my life"

This was our theme for Vacation Bible School this year: Maker Fun Factory - Created by God, Built for a Purpose. 

I sang this along with over a hundred kids and volunteers this week.

I poured out my heart and soul telling kids that they had a purpose. That they were created by a God who knows them intimately, is for them, is always with them, and who loves them unconditionally.

But what happens when "this" - our purpose, our reason that we think we're on earth - doesn't seem to be happening? What happens when what we we think we were made to do doesn't come true?

I've struggled with this so much, and thankfully, VBS always seems to know what my heart needs to hear.

I remember back in my high school french class we were given an assignment to create a futuristic invention. My group for some reason created a very interesting (to say the least) object. If I remember correctly, it was a 4 inch tube shape, orange, with some little doodads, a sponge on one end, and some metallic detailing.


(I searched high and low trying to find a picture but the internet has failed me...trust me, it was a real treat)


Any guesses on what it was created for? 

I remember people asking us what we had made. What was this odd creation's purpose? Some made guesses, they looked it over before class to try and gain some insight before they guessed. 


But only the people in our group truly knew the answer. And we all felt a sense of pride and satisfaction when no one could figure out what our gizmo was. Only the creators knew what the creation was truly made for. 


Only the inventor knows the purpose of his invention. 

The thing we oftentimes get wrong about finding our purpose in life is that we'll never truly know what our purpose is until it happens. The creation doesn't know what the creator has imagined, planned, and hoped for them. 

If I believe I am created by a loving, caring God, I can say that I am created for a reason.

If I am created for a reason, I know that I have a purpose. 

The biggest lie I have ever believed about purpose is that it's what you do. Your purpose is not dictated by your profession, vocation, or career. It's not who you marry, or how many kids you can or cannot have. 

My purpose is to follow my creator. To figure it out along the way by listening to His voice. My purpose won't be fulfilled when I land a full time job in ministry. It won't be fulfilled when I'm married, or when I've seen "X" number of students give their hearts to God. It won't be when I'm successful, in fact, in my experience, following God often means you sacrifice what is "success" in the eyes of the world. 

My purpose will be fulfilled when I meet my creator face to face. When He looks at me and says "well done". When I arrive at eternity's shore. When I can say that I fiercely and loyally served my creator and God and spread the word of Him to anyone who would listen. 

love + pixie dust,

sarah 

Magic in the Airport {I'm coming home}

I recently saw a post about what they "don't" tell you about the Disney College Program.

But what don't they tell you about being an INTERNATIONAL college programmer?

They don't tell you that America is weird. I know what you're thinking, "Canada isn't that much different...you barely count as an international person". Wrong, my friends. America is both wonderful and terrifying. It is a land of endless mcdonald's sweet and sour sauce and super cheap groceries. I mean, I've watched enough american television (that's basically all we have in Canada, right?) but I just assumed that TV was full of stereotypes. I, apparently, was wrong.

They don't tell you how much you'll love your coworkers - until the inevitable day comes when your visa says you have to go home and they all get to stay. The last two weeks are spent crying with your other international friend who have to leave and saying goodbye to your American friends who get to stay another 6 months AND can extend after that. These weeks consist of trying to convince them to marry you so you can stay in the US longer, and - if that doesn't work - plotting ways to steal their identity so you can complete the rest of their program for them. 

They don't tell you how much it sucks that some of your favorite people literally live on the opposite side of the globe and "see ya real soon"s quickly turn into "oh my gosh i may never see you again in my entire life" which quickly turns you into a puddle of tears because crap these are my people.

They don't tell you that despite cultural, language, and personality differences, you will bond with the most unlikely people - and they will become your best friends. Whether it's because of a disgusting unfortunate incident in a restroom, a difficult guest, or those late night iHop/Steak n' Shake/Mcdonalds trips after closing out Magic Kingdom, you're going to get close. These friends will see you at your worst - in all of your disney costumed glory, after working a twelve hour shift, into the wee hours of the morning. They see it all. Also - they probably won't recognize you when you're in real clothes and without a nametag for the first time. 

They don't tell you how attached you can become to a "nighttime fireworks spectacular" - especially when you get to watch it every night.

Most of all, they don't tell you how the magic changes. I always joked that ICPs are only at disney for three months - not long enough to become jaded or frustrated - and we get to leave while we're still in the "honeymoon" phase. But, as a cast member, (i think at least) you get to see what makes the parks tick. You get to see through the pixie dust to see how things work and appreciate the people who make the magic. 

Thousands of people come together every day to make the magic. And for a short amount of time, you get to be a part of that. Sure, I know some who are just there to make pay, but I also know countless cast members, coordinators, and leaders whose top priority is to make magic in any and all ways possible. These people make it their prerogative to help even more people leave their cares and worries behind, creating magical moments of guest interaction.

And, to me, thats the real magic. People coming together to make the dream of one man a reality. 

And as I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport, waiting to board my (delayed) flight, dressed in my magic kingdom shirt and my MonstersU hat, writing out my thoughts in my minnie mouse journal, and listening to the Wishes soundtrack, this is the magic i miss the most. 

That's what they don't tell you about the ICP. The magic isn't made just by a mouse named Mickey - the real "magic" of disney is it's people.

"You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality." - Walt Disney
love + pixie dust.

sarah

a {light} in the dark

"I want to be a light"

But the light reveals what is concealed by darkness.

And the light forces you to face those demons lurking in the dark. The secrets and worries and fears that consume your very being every day. 

The light reveals the pain, the shame, the suffering, the ghosts of the past and the skeletons in the closet.

all of the habits and hurts, the addictions that you have taken care to hide - out of sight out of mind.

But the light comes and brings conviction - the things you have hidden can be seen - and they can be stopped. 

Because the light comes not to condemn but to save. Not to ridicule but to rescue. The demons that you live with day by day are destroyed by the love of the light.

The light doesn't take your hurts and push them further away or use them as blackmail for the rest of your life - He stretches our his arms and says "it. Is. Finished" and they are gone.

So be a light and let the light live inside of you - let him shine through all of your crack and creases. The broken parts of you only allow him to shine through you that much more. 

"For the light shines I the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it." - John 1:5

driving through the {fog}

lately, i've been worried.

i've been concerned, mainly, with where i'm going - both in the near and distant future - how in the world am i'm going to get there from where i am right now.

this past weekend, while driving to a pastor's conference, it hit me. literally, and figuratively.

fog.

the kind that makes it impossible to see more than 5 feet in front of you.
the kind that distorts your vision.
the kind that makes everything - even the things you know are most certain - seem a little blurry.

i mean, i could see for the most part. i could see the outline of green highway signs, the of other lights and signs that were coming up.

but my vision was still blurry.

i knew that i was heading in the right direction, i knew that my destination would remain unchanged.

but i was still scared.

i've been living my life lately in a fog - i know (sort of) what my final destination is, but i've been waiting for signs or lights or anything that would guide me to the next checkpoint.

i've only been able to see the path under my feet - not much further than finishing this semester, next semester, graduation in april.

i can't see what's next - i might see the glow of lights somewhere in the distance that tell me where i am, i might see a sign, but i can't make out what it says quite yet.

but i am thankful that God is still with me, even when the road is foggy. i'm even more thankful that he is the one that directs me:

   "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light onto my path." (Ps 119:105)

Grabbing hold to God's word gives light to our path - the only way to combat the fog that we encounter on our journeys. He's got plans and promises for our lives, twists and turns in the road, but we can trust that He is perfect in all of his plans for us!

be faithful, not fearful.

i've been debating and thinking about this post for about a week.

i've started and restarted it about five times, but each time i couldn't come up with the right words to say.

last weekend, we went on retreat with the rest of the NL students at tyndale.

and, as in previous years, it was a fantastic time meeting with God. but, in a magical turn of events, it was a great time with great people too!

on the first night the speaker focused on leadership, and how it entails pain. pain of criticism, creating something new, making hard decisions, and disappointments.

now, if that isn't a shock to the system after settling in for a relaxing, encouraging weekend, i don't know what it.

you see, back when i was in my first year i was terrified. it physically pained me to think about being in ministry. so much that whenever i would enter into the presence of God i cried uncontrollably. i didn't think i was good enough for this calling, i didn't think that i would be able to handle it. i was controlled by fear.

but during this weekend, i realized that this pain was inevitable. i have no control over how others perceive me, i can only be responsible for how i see myself. no one else's opinion about me matters other than God's, and he loves me beyond compare.

since arriving at tyndale, one constant theme has been following me: dream big. God has been challenging me to keep dreaming bigger dreams that i would have ever dared to dream before.

before this year, i was afraid of the plans that God had for my life. but i've heard him whisper to me: i'm with you, i go before you and i walk beside you wherever you may go. dream bigger than anyone thinks you can. be full of faith in the dreams you have. not full of fear.

Paul says in Ephesians:



20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. - Ephesians 3:20-21

dream big.

be faithful, not fearful.

until next time,

the power of words.

if you know me, you know i love books.

old books, new books, used books.
paperbacks, hardcovers, whatever.

i love books.
(currently reading the horse and his boy by CS Lewis, and Jesus>Religion by Jefferson Bethke, just FYI)

there's just something about the magic of books - their ability to transport you to faraway lands, to take you out of the now and into the past - or the future. to put yourself in someone else's shoes for a couple of hours, while the worries of your life fade away.

Bo Burnham wrote a poem, and it is probably the best poem about words i have ever seen in my life.

Bo Burnham, Egghead: Or, You Can't Survive on Ideas Alone, 2013






































magic. 
it's really the only logical explanation there is, right?

now, as much as i love fiction (and struggle through my textbooks, or anything non-fiction), they don't possess a quality that a certain book possesses.

the writer of Hebrews says:

12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13 And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.  (Hebrews 4:12-13)
 i have to be honest. a couple of years ago, i did not think my bible was the most exciting book in the universe. i always placed it in my "top 10" favorite books, mostly because i thought that's what a "good" Christian girl should do. but mostly, i took it to get a sticker in sunday school when i was a kid, and as something to help me doodle during the sermon when i reached high school.

but this is the actual, genuine word of GOD. the God who created words, language, and the people using them. He created CS Lewis, JRR Tolkein, and all of the greatest writers of all time. and He gave us a way to know him, to read his words, and to experience His Spirit flowing through the pages of it.

This is pretty amazing.

what would happen if we used this "sword" to our greatest advantage? what if we actively dug into His word every day?

i've taken up the challenge to read my bible every day, something that i have struggled to do for so long. and it is incredible how the fruits of the spirit start to become a part of your everyday life.

i have more peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control on days that i pray and dig into the Bible than on days when i do not.
         
that's the power of His word.

 His word has more power than Harry Potter, or the Fault in Our Stars. It overcomes the power of the Illiad or any classic literature.

it has the power to change the way we live. and through it, we are saved by God and His grace.

that's more power than the wizarding world has to offer.

The Veil Was Torn

"His body the bread
His blood the wine
Broken and poured out all for love
The whole earth trembled
And the veil was torn
Love so amazing
Love so amazing, yeahl"
         - Jesus Messiah, Chris Tomlin

 Jesus died to pay for my sin.

 This hits me hard. In my Christian Theology class, we had to read and write a report on a book called "The Cross of Christ" which talks about how and why the cross and its consequences are central to the Christian faith. When I read it my mind was blown.

 God didn't just send his son to save the world. He gave him up freely. He had no obligation to do so. His holiness did not allow him to go near sin. Jesus filled in the gap between our sin and God's holiness so we can enter into His presence.

 Matthew 27:51 says, "At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart..."

 The veil in the temple separated the common folk from the place called the Holy of Holies, which was where the Presence of God was. This place was only visited once a year by the High Priest, and when he went in he was required to wear a rope around his ankle just in case he died from being in the presence of God. 

Since I can remember, this has been my favorite part of the Easter story. It amazes me that when Jesus finally said "it is finished" the partition that separated everyone from God was destroyed. Because of Jesus we are now allowed to enter the presence of God without fearing death or destruction. This is amazing! 

 I love the significance in the veil being torn. There is a huge gap that separates us from God. That gap is sin. We could never bridge this gap on our own. But when Jesus died, the cross formed a bridge that now connects us to God forever!!! I can't help using multiple exclamation marks!! This is so exciting! 

 I love Easter, but more than just loving chocolate and the easter productions that go on in church, I am in awe more and more every year at what God did to save people who he knew would still be rejecting Him 2000 years later. 

 God's love is amazing. 

 This weekend I'm heading to a retreat with the rest of the students from Newfoundland that are at tyndale. I've been preparing my heart for what's in store these next couple of days, and I truly think that God is going to do some crazy amazing things. I'm praying that He will use me, and that I will be willing and ready to do what He is calling me to do. And I'm asking anyone who reads this (which could be no one, really i have no idea) to be praying for the group. 

 This weekend, take time out of being busy with church, family, and stuffing your face with chocolate, and truly thank God for what He has done for us. 
- Sarah 

some wednesday thoughts.

"12 After washing their feet, he [Jesus] put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? 13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. 14 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. 15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. 16 I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message." - John 12:12-16 (NLT)
"34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 12:34-35 (NLT)
Love. Humility. These are the things Jesus teaches his disciples in his last hours with them. These are the things we need to strive for. It doesn't matter if you are the most exciting, outgoing, well-spoken person, if there is no love for your brother in your heart it is pointless. This is what God has called us to do: love God, love others. Sometimes love is all you have to offer, and it is often enough.

 I saw a quote on Pinterest this week that said this:

"There is no curriculum or program that is life-changing.
It is the truth and relationships being shared that are life-changing."

A lot of the time, I feel inadequate. I mean, who wants this awkward, insecure person who is terrified of speaking in public leading their ministry? God doesn't choose people based on what the world values, He chooses those who will humble themselves so He can work through them to reach out to the world in love. It boggles my mind that God would love me so much that he wants to use me for His work! 

- Sarah
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